Why You Should Watch Your “Buts”

One of the best and simplest strategies to improve your communication with colleagues, customers, and others—especially at home—is to use the word “and” instead of “but.”

Here’s the idea: when you use “and,” your communication feels more collaborative, increasing the likelihood of agreement for both parties. Try to speak positively by using “and” more often. Replacing “but” with “and” improves both how you present your argument and how you receive criticism.

For example, consider saying, “Sam, you did well this year, and I know you can still raise your numbers.” Unlike using “but,” which might seem critical, “and” creates a positive connection between the two parts of the sentence and makes it feel like you are on the same team.

Notice how often you use “but” in everyday sentences. Try rephrasing these sentences with “and” and observe the difference. Regularly using “and” instead of “but” can significantly improve your relationships and communication.

Here are some examples:

Instead of “I know you wanted the report by Friday, but I didn’t have time to get it done,” say, “I know you wanted the report by Friday, and I should have informed you earlier about my difficulty in completing it on time.”

Rather than “You made a good effort with the report, but I still found a lot of errors,” consider, “You made a good effort with the report, and would you be open to some feedback on how it could be even better?”

Another example: Replace “I managed to complete 3 things on my to-do list, but I didn’t do the other 7” with “I managed to complete 3 things on my to-do list, and tomorrow I’m set to complete 7 more.”

So, in conclusion, think about using “and” instead of “but.” It’s a small change, but using “and” can be more empowering and positive in communication.